First things first, some tips on how to stay alive....
Cardio: This one comes up in Zombieland and clearly makes alot of sense. How many people do you see at the end of the world when it's zombies doing the ending?
Beware of Bathrooms: Really not just bathrooms any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better then going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with only one way in or out.Go in bigger rooms..Lots of room to run around.
Seatbelts: It's a safe bet unless you wanna die, your not going to be hoofing it on foot in the event of a zombie outbreak. So when traveling on four wheels wear your seat belt. Nothing worse then finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving and oh so hungry arms of zombies.
Doubletap: Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last minute oh crap moment, remember to double tap. It's an emergency and thats why your using it and not your cricket bat, so why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensuring your survival.
No Attachments: This is a tough one but you can not have attachments. If you have kids or a wife you're less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Or worse yet making bonehead decisions like "going back into the room"
Travel in a Group: The best way to increase your odds of survival when traveling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure your not going to be eaten. Going at it alone gives the zombies no choice but to eat you, going at it with the old man with the limp, the little kid who can't run and the middle aged woman with the plastic leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds, you can run away faster then they can.
Keep the "not so smart" Close at Hand: One of the most sure fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks you 'Whats going on? What Happened? Those are the ones you want with you. That way when the zombies come they are likely too stupid to realize it's zombies wanting to eat them.
Kill with Efficiency: It's not about pretty its about efficiency. Alot of folks run for the gun cabinets where their looking for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That can be anything from a baseball bat... to a toilet lid! Kill with Efficiency... don't use weapons that need something to work and use weapons you can swing over and over and over again. You wont end up running into one zombie at a time.
Guns Are for Hunting, Not for Zombie Killing: This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When your running who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when your pinned in and need a quick getaway. Its not a proper means for killing zombies as they run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember a Cricket Bat, or Toilet Lid do not need loading!
Be Quiet: It's the end of the world as you know it so try to avoid squeeling like a 4th grade school girl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody wants to end up being an undead happy meal.
Know Your Way out! Nothing worse then a poorly planned escape. If your going to be a hero it's always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states.. know your way out!
Limber Up: When either fighting a zombie or running from zombies it's not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is kind of a must. Stretch it out a little.. it may save your life.
Blend in: Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead its important to blend in. When was the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? Not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of goo on your face it can happen.
Find The Right Shelter: Shelter is key to survival but since we are already traveling in a group you should ask yourself why the shelter needs to be stationary. For me a motor home or large all terrain vehicle that seats a half dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighborhood there is no last minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in drive and roll!
Zombies can't Climb. Much like you have never seen a zombie eat another zombie when was the last time you saw a zombie climb a wall? Zombies can't climb so find high ground if you do need to stop.
Be ruthless: Much like having no attachments being ruthless is key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid to the toilet seat and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate will not survive in the world of the undead.
God Bless Rednecks: Rednecks are loud, brash, well armed and ready to kill zombies. So when a redneck shows up in your group half drunk and rumbling louder then your humvee welcome him. Sure rednecks can attract zombies but they also are well armed and kill a whole lot of them when they do come for dinner. Best of all they are good bait for you to make your exit while he is making a mess of the zombies and before he realizes he just ran out of bullets and does the happy meal groan.
Check the Back Seat. Always check the back seat friends. Always!
Enjoy the Little Things: It's the end of the world. Dont sweat the small stuff. Loot a neighborhood or two, trash a car, speed! Do the little things and enjoy them. Who knows how long you have to live!
So there, now you know some tips on how to survive Zombieland. Leave any other tips you come up with in comments!
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